第15章
作者:歌德(J.W. von Goethe) 更新:2021-11-25 10:33
And is it not in reality the same, whether
I shell peas or count lentils ? The world runs on from one folly to another
; and the man who, solely from regard to the opinion of others, and
without any wish or necessity of his own, toils after gold , honour ,
or any other phantom, is no better than a fool.
JULY 24. You insist so much on my not neglecting my drawing , that
it would be as well for me to say nothing as to confess how little I have
lately done.
I never felt happier, I never understood nature better , even down
to the veriest stem or smallest blade of grass; and yet I am unable to
express myself: my powers of execution are so weak , everything seems
to swim and float before me , so that I cannot make a clear, bold outline.
But I fancy I should succeed better if I had some clay or wax to model.
I shall try , if this state of mind continues much longer, and will
take to modelling , if I only knead dough.
I have commenced Charlotte's portrait three times , and have as often
disgraced myself. This is the more annoying , as I was formerly very
happy in taking likenesses. I have since sketched her profile , and must
content myself with that.
JULY 25. Yes, dear Charlotte ! I will order and arrange everything.
Only give me more commissions , the more the better. One thing , however,
I must request: use no more writing-sand with the dear notes you send
me. Today I raised your letter hastily to my lips , and it set my teeth
on edge.
JULY 26. I have often determined not to see her so frequently. But
who could keep such a resolution? Every day I am exposed to the temptation,
and promise faithfully that to-morrow I will really stay away : but,
when tomorrow comes , I find some irresistible reason for seeing her
; and, before I can account for it, I am with her again. Either she
has said on the previous evening "You will be sure to call to-morrow,
" —— and who could stay away then ?——or she gives me some commission,
and I find it essential to take her the answer in person; or the day
is fine , and I walk to Walheim; and, when I am there, it is only
half a league farther to her. I am within the charmed atmosphere, and
soon find myself at her side. My grandmother used to tell us a story of
a mountain of loadstone. When any vessels came near it, they were instantly
deprived of their ironwork: the nails flew to the mountain , and the
unhappy crew perished amidst the disjointed planks.
JULY 30. Albert is arrived, and I must take my departure. Were he
the best and noblest of men , and I in every respect his inferior, I
could not endure to see him in possession of such a perfect being. Possession!
—— enough , Wilhelm: her betrothed is here,—— a fine , worthy
fellow, whom one cannot help liking. Fortunately I was not present at
their meeting. It would have broken my heart! And he is so considerate
: he has not given Charlotte one kiss in my presence. Heaven reward him
for it! I must love him for the respect with which he treats her. He
shows a regard for me , but for this I suspect I am more indebted to
Charlotte than to his own fancy for me. Women have a delicate tact in
such matters, and it should be so. They cannot always succeed in keeping
two rivals on terms with each other ; but, when they do , they are
the only gainers.
I cannot help esteeming Albert. The coolness of his temper contrasts
strongly with the impetuosity of mine , which I cannot conceal. He has
a great deal of feeling , and is fully sensible of the treasure he possesses
in Charlotte. He is free from ill-humour, which you know is the fault
I detest most.
He regards me as a man of sense ; and my attachment to Charlotte ,
and the interest I take in all that concerns her, augment his triumph
and his love. I shall not inquire whether he may not at times tease her
with some little jealousies ; as I know, that , were I in his place,
I should not be entirely free from such sensations.
But , be that as it may, my pleasure with Charlotte is over. Call
it folly or infatuation , what signifies a name?
I shell peas or count lentils ? The world runs on from one folly to another
; and the man who, solely from regard to the opinion of others, and
without any wish or necessity of his own, toils after gold , honour ,
or any other phantom, is no better than a fool.
JULY 24. You insist so much on my not neglecting my drawing , that
it would be as well for me to say nothing as to confess how little I have
lately done.
I never felt happier, I never understood nature better , even down
to the veriest stem or smallest blade of grass; and yet I am unable to
express myself: my powers of execution are so weak , everything seems
to swim and float before me , so that I cannot make a clear, bold outline.
But I fancy I should succeed better if I had some clay or wax to model.
I shall try , if this state of mind continues much longer, and will
take to modelling , if I only knead dough.
I have commenced Charlotte's portrait three times , and have as often
disgraced myself. This is the more annoying , as I was formerly very
happy in taking likenesses. I have since sketched her profile , and must
content myself with that.
JULY 25. Yes, dear Charlotte ! I will order and arrange everything.
Only give me more commissions , the more the better. One thing , however,
I must request: use no more writing-sand with the dear notes you send
me. Today I raised your letter hastily to my lips , and it set my teeth
on edge.
JULY 26. I have often determined not to see her so frequently. But
who could keep such a resolution? Every day I am exposed to the temptation,
and promise faithfully that to-morrow I will really stay away : but,
when tomorrow comes , I find some irresistible reason for seeing her
; and, before I can account for it, I am with her again. Either she
has said on the previous evening "You will be sure to call to-morrow,
" —— and who could stay away then ?——or she gives me some commission,
and I find it essential to take her the answer in person; or the day
is fine , and I walk to Walheim; and, when I am there, it is only
half a league farther to her. I am within the charmed atmosphere, and
soon find myself at her side. My grandmother used to tell us a story of
a mountain of loadstone. When any vessels came near it, they were instantly
deprived of their ironwork: the nails flew to the mountain , and the
unhappy crew perished amidst the disjointed planks.
JULY 30. Albert is arrived, and I must take my departure. Were he
the best and noblest of men , and I in every respect his inferior, I
could not endure to see him in possession of such a perfect being. Possession!
—— enough , Wilhelm: her betrothed is here,—— a fine , worthy
fellow, whom one cannot help liking. Fortunately I was not present at
their meeting. It would have broken my heart! And he is so considerate
: he has not given Charlotte one kiss in my presence. Heaven reward him
for it! I must love him for the respect with which he treats her. He
shows a regard for me , but for this I suspect I am more indebted to
Charlotte than to his own fancy for me. Women have a delicate tact in
such matters, and it should be so. They cannot always succeed in keeping
two rivals on terms with each other ; but, when they do , they are
the only gainers.
I cannot help esteeming Albert. The coolness of his temper contrasts
strongly with the impetuosity of mine , which I cannot conceal. He has
a great deal of feeling , and is fully sensible of the treasure he possesses
in Charlotte. He is free from ill-humour, which you know is the fault
I detest most.
He regards me as a man of sense ; and my attachment to Charlotte ,
and the interest I take in all that concerns her, augment his triumph
and his love. I shall not inquire whether he may not at times tease her
with some little jealousies ; as I know, that , were I in his place,
I should not be entirely free from such sensations.
But , be that as it may, my pleasure with Charlotte is over. Call
it folly or infatuation , what signifies a name?
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