第13章
作者:歌德(J.W. von Goethe) 更新:2021-11-25 10:33
What a child is man! We had been to Walheim : the ladies went
in a carriage ; but during our walk I thought I saw in Charlotte's dark
eyes—— I am a fool—— but forgive me ! you should see them,—— those
eyes. —— However, to be brief(for my own eyes are weighed down with
sleep ), you must know, when the ladies stepped into their carriage
again , young W. Seldstadt , Andran , and I were standing about the
door. They are a merry set of fellows , and they were all laughing and
joking together. I watched Charlotte's eyes. They wandered from one to
the other ; but they did not light on me , on me, who stood there motionless,
and who saw nothing but her ! My heart bade her a thousand times adieu,
but she noticed me not. The carriage drove off; and my eyes filled with
tears. I looked after her : suddenly I saw Charlotte's bonnet leaning
out of the window , and she turned to look back, was it at me ? My
dear friend , I know not ; and in this uncertainty I find consolation.
Perhaps she turned to look at me. Perhaps ! Good-night —— what a child
I am!
JULY lO. You should see how foolish I look in company when her name
is mentioned, particularly when I am asked plainly how I like her. How
I like her! I detest the phrase. What sort of creature must he be who
merely liked Charlotte, whose whole heart and senses were not entirely
absorbed by her. Like her ! Some one asked me lately how I liked Ossian.
JULY 11. Madame M —— is very ill. I pray for her recovery , because
Charlotte shares my sufferings. I see her occasionally at my friend's
house , and to-day she has told me the strangest circumstance. Old M
—— is a covetous, miserly fellow , who has long worried and annoyed
the poor lady sadly ; but she has borne her afflictions patiently. A
few days ago, when the physician informed us that her recovery was hopeless,
she sent for her husband(Charlotte was present ), and addressed him
thus: "I have something to confess , which, after my decease , may
occasion trouble and confusion. I have hitherto conducted your household
as frugally and economically as possible, but you must pardon me for
having defrauded you for thirty years. At the commencement of our married
life, you allowed a small sum for the wants of the kitchen , and the
other household expenses. When our establishment increased and our property
grew larger , I could not persuade you to increase the weekly allowance
in proportion : in short , you know , that , when our wants were greatest,
you required me to supply everything with seven florins a week. I took
the money from you without an observation , but made up the weekly deficiency
from the money-chest; as nobody would suspect your wife of robbing the
household bank. But I have wasted nothing , and should have been content
to meet my eternal Judge without this confession, if she , upon whom
the management of your establishment will devolve after my decease, would
be free from embarrassment upon your insisting that the allowance made
to me , your former wife , was sufficient."
I talked with Charlotte of the inconceivable manner in which men allow
themselves to be blinded; how any one could avoid suspecting some deception,
when seven florins only were allowed to defray expenses twice as great.
But I have myself known people who believed , without any visible astonishment,
that their house possessed the prophet's never-failing cruse of oil.
JULY 13. No , I am not deceived. In her dark eyes I read a genuine
interest in me and in my fortunes. Yes, I feel it; and I may believe
my own heart which tells me —— dare I say it?
in a carriage ; but during our walk I thought I saw in Charlotte's dark
eyes—— I am a fool—— but forgive me ! you should see them,—— those
eyes. —— However, to be brief(for my own eyes are weighed down with
sleep ), you must know, when the ladies stepped into their carriage
again , young W. Seldstadt , Andran , and I were standing about the
door. They are a merry set of fellows , and they were all laughing and
joking together. I watched Charlotte's eyes. They wandered from one to
the other ; but they did not light on me , on me, who stood there motionless,
and who saw nothing but her ! My heart bade her a thousand times adieu,
but she noticed me not. The carriage drove off; and my eyes filled with
tears. I looked after her : suddenly I saw Charlotte's bonnet leaning
out of the window , and she turned to look back, was it at me ? My
dear friend , I know not ; and in this uncertainty I find consolation.
Perhaps she turned to look at me. Perhaps ! Good-night —— what a child
I am!
JULY lO. You should see how foolish I look in company when her name
is mentioned, particularly when I am asked plainly how I like her. How
I like her! I detest the phrase. What sort of creature must he be who
merely liked Charlotte, whose whole heart and senses were not entirely
absorbed by her. Like her ! Some one asked me lately how I liked Ossian.
JULY 11. Madame M —— is very ill. I pray for her recovery , because
Charlotte shares my sufferings. I see her occasionally at my friend's
house , and to-day she has told me the strangest circumstance. Old M
—— is a covetous, miserly fellow , who has long worried and annoyed
the poor lady sadly ; but she has borne her afflictions patiently. A
few days ago, when the physician informed us that her recovery was hopeless,
she sent for her husband(Charlotte was present ), and addressed him
thus: "I have something to confess , which, after my decease , may
occasion trouble and confusion. I have hitherto conducted your household
as frugally and economically as possible, but you must pardon me for
having defrauded you for thirty years. At the commencement of our married
life, you allowed a small sum for the wants of the kitchen , and the
other household expenses. When our establishment increased and our property
grew larger , I could not persuade you to increase the weekly allowance
in proportion : in short , you know , that , when our wants were greatest,
you required me to supply everything with seven florins a week. I took
the money from you without an observation , but made up the weekly deficiency
from the money-chest; as nobody would suspect your wife of robbing the
household bank. But I have wasted nothing , and should have been content
to meet my eternal Judge without this confession, if she , upon whom
the management of your establishment will devolve after my decease, would
be free from embarrassment upon your insisting that the allowance made
to me , your former wife , was sufficient."
I talked with Charlotte of the inconceivable manner in which men allow
themselves to be blinded; how any one could avoid suspecting some deception,
when seven florins only were allowed to defray expenses twice as great.
But I have myself known people who believed , without any visible astonishment,
that their house possessed the prophet's never-failing cruse of oil.
JULY 13. No , I am not deceived. In her dark eyes I read a genuine
interest in me and in my fortunes. Yes, I feel it; and I may believe
my own heart which tells me —— dare I say it?
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